Sex in the Poli: In search of the Perfect Man

In the latter half of the twentieth century, women who had reached their sexual peaks were faced with a dire threat… Sexual freedom in the boudoir was being attacked by unorgasmic forces. Tightie-whitie Momma Boy Villains threatened their very “O’s” and bare-bottomed women fled to the streets to pray for a hero to save them. But who could whack off their bra strap in single snap, had more power in his libido than a Black and Decker pumping drill, who wore manly Calvin Klein boxers instead of ducky prints and oozed masculinity with every bound? ‘Look, up in the sky Ladies,’ ‘It’s a bird,’ ‘It’s a plane,’ ‘It’s Turbo-Man…
Today Sex in the Poli takes you on the search for the perfect lover. You know that kind I am talking about… gentle but rough, ruggedly soft yet delicately rigid. He is sexy and a great lover. He makes a wish during every lunar eclipse and has never known the pain of a broken heart, nor has he ever sprained his wrist while moving furniture, because he is simply the “Perfect Man”, “Prince”, “Latin Lover”, or in our case… TURBO-MAN. 
He possess strength, bravery, perfect smile, perfect hair, perfect nose, perfect ears, perfect chest, perfect legs, perfect toes, and he is perfect in bed, perfect with your friends, and so on and so on…. 
(Pause clear throat.)… ohhh… and he also has a perfect butt…. 
(Double pause) Ta Ta Ta Ta… He is Turbo-Man…

Reader 1: Turbo-Man? 

Reader 2: Is there such a man?

Writer: No way sister!
Watch the video and you will understand what I mean!
Sad and pathetic statistics show that each minute, of each our, of every day, women around the globe pray to find Mr. Right. You know that is willing to put his beer aside, turn off the football game and listen to your feelings… An A+ man, you know… the kind of guy that throws you on a bed and makes you want to commit every sin ever created. He mows the lawn without a shirt on a regular basis, gives you a massage when your muscles are soar… and concentrates only on giving you a big “O”.

Yes, we women want the ultimate man, the super hero, the Turbo-Man, the one who will fill our every need and feed us clusters of grapes while we put our feet up. We want him to be rich, good looking, sexy, have all the perfect qualities… Well… ladies… these days you will most likely find a MAN that wears attractive tightie whities and calls his mother… mommy.
Eventually, praying for “The Guy” will just in the long run leave you with blisters on your knees… and you will not be able to engage in four-play any more… Also, your pride will be hit so stand up and stop dreaming about Turbo-Man flying in to save your sex life because he does not exist.

The men you seek are few and far between so stop ticking off your criteria list when dining with a blind date.
  • Good Kisser – Check
  • Good Lover – Check
  • Cute Butt…- Check
  • Love Stick: FAILED
The Perfect Man by vidyokanal

The biggest risk you face these days with dating is finding someone who is willing to look past your imperfections as well… and between you and me we all have flaws, whether it’s our hooters, butts or even our saggy arms, we all have some flaws.

So look past his unmatched clothes or unruly hair and get down to the business at hand. Overanalyzing his personality traits can set you into a tailspin and sometimes stop you from getting any… or even finding that unique diamond in the rough.

I mean when I was 16 my idea of the perfect guy was a rebel, at 19 he was the barman at one of my favourite downtown clubs, at 21 he was a musician, at 26 he was the construction man, at 32 he was the philosopher, at the age of 36 he was the professor, and as I got into my forties… I realized that there is no perfect man….

Being “perfect” is not something that is taught, found in a “how to” book; or can even be portrayed in Hollywood films. So what if some guys don’t enjoy walks on the beach, or vomit at the sound of romance, if he makes you smile… sends shivers up and down your spine every time you kiss him and lends a shoulder when you are feeling under the weather… then you probably found your Turbo-Man.
The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He’ll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love on to you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He’s a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.
He never has made you cry
Or hurt you in any way
To hell with this endless poem
The perfect man is gay
The perfect couple
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? –  The perfect woman. She’s the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men keep scrolling****.-  So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, this illustrates another point: women never listen. Moral: Don’t bother to find a perfect man or a woman that would listen – its mission impossible.





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