He is arrogant, doesn’t seem to give a damn about anyone but himself, he is smirk, ignorant, has a bloated ego, smug and basically an all-out jerk… but there is just something about him that draws you in, even if your head tells you to “beware”. Ladies have you ever asked yourselves why we are attracted to bad boys… well Sex in the Poli did and today it examines why some of us like to date bad boys.
He is cocky and arrogant, always puts himself first, he is inattentive to your needs, does what he wants and when he wants to do it regardless of what anyone else thinks, struts his masculine sexuality, pushes your boundaries in sex, challenges your fantasy, treats you with total disrespect the next morning and that night once again uses you for sex…. and you are crazy about him.
All the negative character traits in the book cannot begin to describe the “bad boy” and yet… as women we seem to flock to this breed of indisputable jerks in herds.
Well some of women like the drama. A relationship without drama is boring to them, but a relationship with bad boy gets the juices flowing. A date with him is unpredictable, one minute you are having dinner with him and the next you are in a dark alley making out. This makes you feel sexy, desired, unrestrained, and certainly it is not predictable and conservative. He will express his opinion to you regardless of what you think and is not afraid of offending you when he playfully slaps your butt, tease you about your outfit and talk about naughty things to you. These types of men represent flirtations with danger to us and make us want to venture into experiences that we have never had before.
If you’re a woman, you may be saying “hmmmmmmm” as you hear these words. And I ask… are you feeling this way because the bad boy sounds like someone who is difficult to control, to figure out, or because he seems to be harder to get?
It may be all the above…
When compared to nice guys, bad boys can tower over their competition because they know exactly what to say, when to say it and most importantly how to say it. They are experts in manipulating your thoughts and emotions and you become completely captivated by them. You somehow feel like Kim Bassinger in 9 1/2 weeks and your bad boy is Mickey Roorke… pushing you to your limits with every desire. Four days of torture, one day of compliments and you are ok again…. It is a different approach, you are not used to this give-and-take of emotions and it leaves you unsettled.
Then it is the attitude… he really does not need you when it comes down to it and this makes your blood boil because you want him to need you all the time. This forces you to be on the offensive and to pursue them. Nice guys have the bad habit of showing their emotions too early and they really aren’t quite as attractive when you know that they want you, but the bad boy keeps us on our toes.
All of this comes together in a package that makes women feel ultimate desire and our damn curiosity creeps in and we become intrigued, but ladies in the end cheating, infidelity, inconsistency and all those things that we as women really hate will surface. So when it comes down to it what we really want is a bad boy who is not going to cheat on us right. In other words a bad boy/gentleman.
Is this possible?
Not even on your life ladies…..
There are two types of guys… period. They are either jerks, or they are not jerks. There is no such thing as a jerk and half. HELLO!
Yes, yes… I know… the thought of a being with “bad boy” might excite us at first but like all thrills and chills, as intense as they might be, they quickly end and in the long-run we will be left empty. And do not think for a moment that you are going to be THE ONE that is going to change him. People can only change themselves. I mean c’mon humans cannot control someone else’s behaviour.
In Greece we say “O Anthropos Geniete… Den Ginete” which translates to “a person is born with his own character… and cannot be moulded to having another character”. So forget about becoming Mother Teresa…. he has not found his master in you! Accept it.
The only thing you can change is your behaviour ladies and if you have an ounce of self-respect left in your bones run away quickly and go find a nice guy.
I mean grow up… A woman who wants to continue dating a jerk is basically immature in my book and has a low level of self-esteem. When you do not feel good about you then you end up being attracted to someone who reinforces your negative self-beliefs.
I mean we all like an occasional adventure, and indeed we have all dated men who could be placed in this category, but one or two experiences I could understand… if you continue to date men like these in your adulthood then there is definitely a problem because you probably do not have a capacity for intimacy, are not ready to be serious in a relationship and most importantly are at the very beginning stages of dating.
When a woman truly loves herself and has self-respect she will never choose a bad boy as her mate in her adulthood…. (well maybe for a fling, …or two… but never for a relationship).
The bottom line is if a woman feels good about herself, she always chooses a man who can communicate both verbally and non-verbally to her, and she will value the man that respects and honours her in the end. The bad boy might be great for a night or two in the sack, ok… three… but in the end women will not allow him to undermine their positive self-worth.
May West said every woman has to experience the bad boy in order to appreciate the nice guy. I guess in order to appreciate quality you have to first get a taste of mediocrity. Vanilla-type guys might seem boring at first, and bad boys might make your blood boil and give you an adrenaline rush, but once the rush fades you come to realize that bad boys are just plain losers…
So the moral of the story is that bad boys might seem to be getting most of the action at first, but they will not get the girl for the long-haul, because they cannot meet our fundamental needs.
Finally, and speaking from experience, we might like a walk on the wild side every now and then because we like to escape normality but when we realize after the abuse and frustration that women are often their own worst enemies no sane woman would openly choose to be abused.